What's Wrong With People?

The other day I clicked on this internet IQ test thing and took it. I felt that it was pretty easy, but never got my results back because I refused to give out my cell phone number. I couldn't quite put my finger on one thing however. The average IQ is 100. As I was looking down the list of people who had taken the test, I was seeing IQ's that ranged mostly from 50-80. In fact, the highest on the day was 103. That's when the thought occurred to me! The only reason I wasn't seeing higher scores was because the people with the higher IQ's aren't stupid enough to give out their number to someone they don't know.

Fruit Stripe Gum

Would it kill them to market a formula that retains the flavor a bit longer?

95!!!

That's five less than a hundred. Like the raging wildfire in the hills behind our house, my collection of hit music from the 80's continues to grow. What on earth could one person want with so many 80's songs? Answered simply... Why is the sky blue? Why do zebras have black stripes (or white stripes for that matter)? Why is the square root of four times an imaginary number 1.41421356 + 1.41421356i?

10 Things I Hate About Matt

1. He revoked my admin privileges on this blog
2. He has no responsibility
3. He can sit around all day blogging due to reason #2
4. He can sing higher than most adult males
5. His glasses are meant to look stupid, but actually rock
6. He doesn't match his clothes, and nobody notices
7. He uses words I don't understand
8. He knows more 80's songs than me, and that was my era
9. He makes fun of himself making it less fun to make fun of him
10. He can eat anything he wants and as much of it as he wants, and won't gain an ounce

Retro Junk

A California Raisin with cool orange shades -- and who looks like he is flipping people off -- belongs in a car.

Eulogy

Or did you think I was too dumb to know what a yagoogaly was? As for that beetle that was on the verge of drowning that I tried to save, but instead watched helplessly wash down the storm drain... Surely you were a good bug and I'm sorry. May you rest in peace.

I Would Not Wish Such A Fate Upon Anyone

"Your hesitancy has cost you dearly. The Wizard, sensing your apprehension, unleashes a fatal bolt from the ice scepter. With luck, you will thaw in several million years."

the applicability of statistics in decision-making would make a nice school house rock.

my least favorite statistic is when they (the vague mass of media/population) say that you should wear your seatbelt even on short trips, because you're blah blah times more likely to be in an accident within blah blah miles of your own home.
no doi.
every time you go ANYWHERE, you leave your own home and return to it, so statistically, if you're driving at ALL, you're adding to the likelihood of driving near your home.
isn't that right?
or did i really actually deserve that D in statistics?

Expansion

Today somebody's ipod saw a new song added to their ever expanding 80's Playlist: The Smith's "There is a Light That Never Goes Out." What would the world be without Morrisey?

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Films can be just as -- if not more -- enjoyable when you go to see them by yourself...

Funky Fresh

A word of caution. Be careful when reaching into your bathroom bag for that toothbrush. You just might slice your finger open on a razor, and that doesn't feel very good.

A Carefree Winter Day

Consists of a bag of Wintergreen Lifesavers and a 44 oz Hawaiian Punch with a touch of Country Time Lemonade and Sierra Mist.

The Time Has Arrived!

I know I have kept you all on the edge of your seats waiting for my first comment, so here it is...

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made from real lemons?

I know it was more of a question than a comment, but that's all I got...

Liberation

Is learning to accept things as they are.

Porch Swing

My thoughts are uneasy and I feel restless.
I grab my pillow and head to the porch swing out front.

I'm surrounded by the dark silhouettes of trees,
The city lights throughout the valley can be seen in the distance.
Lightning strikes over the towering mountains illuminating the night sky,
The summer breeze is cool and the scent of rain can be smelt in the air.
The sweet sound of music quietly plays in my ears,
To me it is not so quiet however.
The lyrics stir up thoughts and memories,
Most of which are comforting and good.
The mosquito bites up and down my legs cannot tempt me to retire inside,
The simplistic beauty I find in everything surrounding me at that moment will not allow it.

It is here that I am in control;
It is here that I am at peace;
It is here that I feel at home.

Some Changes Are About To Go Down 2

I finally feel the changes I set out to accomplish have been satisfied. This blog now feels complete, for the time being. Welcome aboard Jill! I'm happy to have you on our side.

some people have way too much confidence in me

i'm IN

!

i feel so much pressure

like when someone needy gives you a really awesome compliment

and you can't make the return.

but in the infamous words of my sixteen year old friend Sam to his first girlfriend, as he leaned in for his first kiss--

i'm scared

but i'm ready.

here is a poem i wrote

at least i think i wrote it.

it was scribbled in my notebook and it's to lame to be anyone else's.

he slipped the book

gingerly open

As Much As I Wish It Were Possible

Man cannot live alone on Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and string cheese.

Wishful Thinking

It's a dangerous thing and I suggest it be avoided at all costs. It can only lead to heartache, sorrow, and suffering. Unless of course it concerns the fact that you think men and women should still curtsy and bow when greeting one another. I don't see the harm in that.

Confessions of a Laughaholic

Cackle. Laugh. Cynical laugh. Cackle. Giggle. Giggle. Snicker.

A Little Inception, A Little Logic

How are the films Batman Begins and Inception linked? It's more than the fact the two share the same director. Upon dissolving the family empire, Mr. Fischer follows his life long dream to become a psychiatrist. He changes his name to avoid recognition of his past life and - after completing his studies - moves to Gotham City where eventually he loses track of reality (as a result of his inception and all that "Limbo" mumbo jumbo), becoming the Scarecrow in the process. The movie makes so much sense now!

What Will Hollywood Think Of (Or Rip Off) Next

So what happens exactly when you leave the guidance you get from Fidelity and venture away from that little green line? You get a blockbuster hit of course! Ladies and gentlemen! May I present to you "The Adjustment Bureau!"

Might I suggest you stay on that line if you're a Fidelity customer. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble to wander off. Just ask Matt Damon.

Nilbog

Of course it would be the locale for the Kingdom of the Goblins! How could I have over looked the obvious? At least now I know where to go when I'm in the market for some curdled milk.

Some Changes Are About to Go Down

Change is good. Harold Wilson once said, "He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery." The point I'm trying to make is that I've been slacking on my blog and it is time I do something about it. So I have decided to add an additional author to my blog upon his request and know that he will bring a lot of wiser - and more random - thoughts than I could ever conjure up. I just hope he doesn't make me look too bad. Welcome aboard Nic!